It's Friday...

The sauna has fried my brain. I have now reached a nirvana of sorts; that is, since we think, we forgot we have bodies! I went swimming after Pilates, which felt strange, because my core was moving independently in the water. I felt like a fish, no arms, no legs, just core -- this makes sense because we are in a ball shape when born and then telescope out. As the English poet Wordsworth believed, babies are the closest we get to nature, after we grow, we have lost contact with the physical world and our dysfunctional brains take over. Just the fact that I am writing this proves my point. I said to a girl last night before ballet class, reading and thinking makes you smarter but it doesn't make you a better dancer -- only dancing and more dancing does this. So, I should just go with it. Moving is such a great feeling and, as I told a lady in Pilate class, I don't care if they laugh at me when my posture is straight and controlled. Why is the world so against expression and physicality?

More physicality...ballet class! My favorite way of being physical and, it's true also, that mentally you can know ballet terminology but your body, having muscle memory, learns things outside of the realm of the mind, in terms of tactile movement. Here I go again. I know I like to write down combinations I did in class to reinforce them in my mind, but I am not doing my body full justice. How to communicate physical sensation? That will be my next challenge:

Barre:

1. Tendu front, demi-plie, tendu side, side, tendu back, demi-plie, tendu side, side. Two tendus front, tendus side 1st 5th, 5th 1st, 5th 5th 5th, pas de cheval en croise.

2. Degage fondu front, fondu side, degage 5th, degage en croise, balancoire, passe to arabesque.

3. Ronde jambe fondu front to back, 4x ronde jambe, fondu around, 4x ronde jambe with port de bras, fondu developpe efface, fondu developpe croise back.

4. Frappes en croix, frappes efface, derrierre, side, beats.

5. Ronde jambe en l'air, coupe coupe, beats.

6. Grand battement front, side, back, swing to front, back, side, efface...

Center:

1. Tendu croise front, side with plies, side side arabesque pas de bourre, tendu croise front plie, side, pas de bourre pirouettes, detourne, pirouettes en dedans.

2. Pirouettes en dehors, rotation, pirouettes en dedans, arabesque pas de bourre, pirouettes attitude, extend to arabesque.

3. Balance, balance, releve developpe ecarte, balance front, balance side, chasse pas de bourre pirouettes.

4. Jumps: echappe 2x, changements, changements, echappes.

5. Glissade, jete, temps leve glissade jete, assemble assemble, jete, glissade jete, glissade brises.

6. Temps leve arabesque, chasse, arabesque other way, tour jete, arabesque, temps leve passe, swing to arabesque pas de bourre, grand jete.

The class was tricky but productive. I messed up a lot of combinations but learned in the process that I need to be more accurate and more confident in my execution, not just follow the crowd. I also need to work on doing things that are physically uncomfortable because, as another teacher said, you have to find a way to make it work. Same thing the Pilates teacher said to me about my back. It's not going to feel right but try to do it anyway because eventually it will get better.

After class I curtsied to the teacher and said I need a notebook, but the pianist and another girl who I thought was amazing said I looked okay in class. I thought for sure was a professional, but she said she's just a student. I told her she should be a dancer. Then I walked home in the cold winter night...